Executive function skills are an incredibly important set of abilities we use every single day, like following instructions, finishing chores, and regulating our emotions. They begin developing in infancy and continue evolving throughout a person's entire life. Understanding what they are, how they grow, and what to look for can help you give your child the support they need to thrive.
What are executive function skills?
Executive function skills combine the motor, sensory, communication, and cognitive abilities your child develops in early childhood. Together, they help us take what we know and apply it in practical, meaningful ways during play, learning, socializing, and daily routines.
There are three core areas of executive function:
1. Working Memory
Working memory is the ability to hold, remember, and use information over short periods of time. A child draws on working memory when they follow multi-step instructions, remember the rules of a game, or recall what they were just asked to do. It's the mental sticky note that keeps us on track.
2. Self-Control
Also called inhibitory control, self-control is the ability to think before acting. We use it when we pause, consider, and manage a response rather than simply reacting. This skill helps children resist impulses, regulate their emotions, wait their turn during a game, and stop themselves from grabbing something that isn't theirs. It's the foundation for so much we consider "good behavior".
3. Mental Flexibility
Sometimes called cognitive flexibility, this is the ability to adapt when situations change, shift between tasks, see things from another person's perspective, or think about more than one concept at a time. A child with strong mental flexibility can adjust when plans change, recover from a setback, and find a new approach when the first one isn't working.
All three areas work together. A child who can hold information in mind (working memory), pause before reacting (self-control), and adjust their approach when needed (mental flexibility) is well-equipped to handle the demands of school, relationships, and everyday life.
When do executive function skills develop?
Executive function skills begin developing in infancy and continue building into early adulthood. Around preschool age (3 to 5), toddlers experience a big spike in executive function development, making this a critical time to support these skills. You can see early signs of executive functioning in the way a young baby starts to anticipate a feeding routine (working memory), or the way a toddler stops what they're doing when you tell them "no" (self-control).
These skills become increasingly important in social and school settings as children grow. They are not fixed traits, but rather learned skills that are shaped by experience, practice, and the environment a child grows up in. With support and opportunity, all children can strengthen their executive function abilities. Practice makes progress!
Where do children use executive function skills?
Executive function is about functional, real-world skills. Here's where you'll see them in action:
During Play
Baby playing peek-a-boo learns that an object still exists even when it's out of sight, an early form of working memory
Children learn to take turns and share with peers
They begin learning to cope with losing
They follow directions from adults and adapt to the rules of a game
While Socializing
Baby focuses and pays attention to people's faces and voices as they speak
Children first imitate others, then learn to use gestures and expressions in their own communication
As they grow, they talk through disagreements with friends and work toward solutions
Older children begin planning get-togethers, following through on commitments, and managing social expectations
At School
Children manage their time to complete assignments and tests
They pay close attention to learn new material
They organize their belongings and materials by subject so they can find what they need
They hold instructions in mind while completing a task independently
How to Support Executive Function Development
Parents and caregivers play a vital role in building executive function skills from the very beginning. Here are activities and approaches that support development across early childhood:
Establish predictable routines from a young age.
Consistent daily schedules help children understand expectations, manage transitions, and develop a sense of time, which strengthens executive function. Even simple routines like a consistent bedtime sequence build these concepts.
Provide age-appropriate toys and household items to explore.
Open-ended play with blocks, containers, or everyday objects encourages problem-solving, creativity, and planning—all core executive function skills.
Use imitation games.
Activities like clapping hands back and forth, copying sounds, or mirroring actions build working memory and teach Baby to observe, process, and respond.
Model the behavior you want to see.
Children learn by watching the adults around them. Demonstrating self-control, organized thinking, and flexible problem-solving gives children real examples to draw from. Narrate your thought process out loud: "I'm feeling frustrated, so I'm going to take a breath before I decide what to do."
Talk through the steps of an activity.
Before starting a task, walk through what you'll do together. This builds planning skills and helps children internalize the process of breaking a big goal into smaller steps.
Offer choices.
For example, ask them which shirt to wear or which book to read first. Letting children make age-appropriate decisions builds independence, critical thinking, and confidence. It also gives them low-stakes practice with the decision-making process.
Let them try new things and complete tasks on their own.
Resist the urge to jump in and fix things right away. When children struggle through a challenge and succeed, they build both skill and confidence. Acknowledge effort and good behavior when you see it.
Bring children along on errands and real-world tasks.
Grocery shopping, cooking, or running errands exposes children to planning, sequencing, and adapting to unexpected changes in a real-world context.
Provide opportunities for free, creative play and open-ended problem solving.
Unstructured play, such as children choosing their own activities, navigating conflict with peers, or making up rules as they go, is great for executive function development.
When to Check In
Executive function skills are learned skills, and with practice and support, all children can improve them. That said, some children may show signs that they need extra help. Potential signs and risk factors of executive function challenges include:
General delays in motor, cognitive, or communication development
Significant differences in response to sensory experiences, like being too sensitive or not sensitive enough
Becomes easily frustrated and struggles to manage emotions, or is not easily calmed as a baby
Has very rigid routines and strong resistance to change
Struggles to make adjustments after getting used to doing something a certain way
Has difficulty completing simple, age-appropriate tasks
Difficulty with age-appropriate social interactions
Struggles to participate in age-appropriate play
Needs significantly more help with tasks than other children the same age
Struggles with time management
Difficulty starting tasks independently
Appears disorganized
Difficulty using and applying information from memory
Forgets rules easily
Difficulty planning and completing multi-step projects
Appears impulsive
Poor emotional control
Struggles with open-ended tasks
If you notice several of these signs consistently, talk to your child's healthcare provider. Early support makes a meaningful difference, and connecting with the right professionals early gives children the best opportunity to build the skills they need.